Thursday, April 10, 2014

How To Be Annoying

Have you ever had one of those moment in life when you said to yourself, "Hey, I want to be annoying today." Well I sure know I have! Just for emergencies here are some good, creative ideas:
  • Drum on every available surface.
  • Write the surprise ending to a novel on its first page.
  • Tell the food person at drive-through  that the order is "for here".
  • Set all alarms in the house for random times.
  • When you’re in the car honk and wave to strangers.
  • Change the channel right before the ending.
  • Decline to be seated at a restaurant, and eat their mints by the cash register.
  • Begin all your sentences with "ooh la la!"
  • ONLY TYPE IN UPPERCASE.
  • only type in lowercase.
  • dont use any punctuation
  • Buy a  lot of orange traffic cones and cause chaos in the streets.
  • Pay for your dinner with pennies.
  • Repeat everything someone  says as a question.
  • Put fireworks on someones birthday cake.
  • Stand over someone's shoulder, mumbling, as they read.
  • Finish the 99 bottles of beer song.
  • Name your dog "Dog".
  • Tell people that they exist only in your imagination. (This will make their brains hurt).
  • Ask people what gender they are.
  • Reply to everything someone says with "that's what YOU think."
  • Lick the filling out of all the Oreos, and place the cookie parts back in the tray.
  • Forget the punchline to a long joke, but tell the listener it was a really funny.
  • Follow a few paces behind someone, spraying everything they touch with a can of Lysol.
  • While making presentations, occasionally bob your head like a parakeet.
  • Leave your Christmas lights up and lit until September.
  • Change your name to John Aaaaasmith for the great glory of being first in the phone book. Claim it's a Hawaiian name, and tell people to pronounce each A.
  • Chew on pens that you've borrowed.
  • At a golf tournament, chant "swing-batatatatatata-suhWING-batter!"
  • Ask the waitress for an extra seat for your "imaginary friend".
  • Play the same song fifty times in a row.
  • Never break eye contact.
  • Signal that a conversation is over by clamping your hands over your ears.
  • Yell random numbers while someone is counting.
  • Invite lots of people to other people's parties.
I hope this is a list that fulfills your need, but if it didn't I hope it got your creative juices flowing!

The Epic Journey

On the magical night of Tuesday the 8th a young boy name Miguel decided (more or less was forced to) make super fancy pasta for his parents and what an experience it was. As he was about to make dinner he realized that he didn’t have all of the ingredients that were needed to make it and when this happened he said “Oh crap”. After that terrible realization he ran to his father and asked for him to take him to the store. When Miguel made it to the store he ran through the crowd because there was a surprising amount of people there that night and there were a lot of swerves, rude comments, and especially a lot of “Hey kid, stop riding the grocery cart like it’s a toy!” It turns out a lot of adults are very uncreative and like to kill children’s childhoods. ANYWAY, after Miguel had gotten all of the supplies he went to the check-out aisle and it was the worst part because it took ten minutes in an express lane and the one person in front of him had two items and I had eight, but it somehow took thirty minutes. When Miguel walked in the door he was ready and prepared for the epic journey that he was about to have. As he walked in the kitchen with all the ingredients his father walked in and gave him the recipe and it was time to make a difference in life, it was time to take action! He got the all the vegetables and chopped and sliced it all together with his bare hands and it took a lot of pain, sweat, and blood to mix it together. Then he put the noodles in the boiling water. While waiting patiently for the noodles to soften he made the special sauce that he would soon mix with the vegetables. After he was done completing that task, the noodles were done and ready for the sauce with vegetables.  Miguel decorated and perked up his final dishes and gave them to his parents and right as Miguel was about to take a bit out of his masterpiece he had to go to bed.

What is a Flapjack?

So, surprisingly enough I walked into my favorite breakfast place (IHOP) and I sat down waiting for my the waiter/waitress to take my order and all of a sudden I hear, “Yes, I would like to order your all you can eat flapjacks special..” What the heck is a 'flapjack'?? IT’S CALLED A PANCAKE. Flapjack was just some jerk water named Jack who had the idea to try and steal the thunder from this delicious breakfast classic. Is there anything that really makes a flapjack so different from a pancake that they have to give it a new name? Let's think, what do you put on flapjacks, topping wise? Oh yeah, I know, SYRUP, the same exact syrup that you put on pancakes... THAT'S WHY IT’S CALLED PANCAKE SYRUP. Never once have I heard someone call it "flapjack sauce". Seriously, it's a pancake, it’s in a pan it's essentially a basic cakish recipe.. pan-cake! I understand that a flapjack has some kind of tie into the great North American pastime of lumberjacking, so I will make an exception, that if you are one of the remaining lumberjacks on the continent, fine, in your logging camp only, you may refer to them as flapjacks. Don't show up on my local pancake restaurant, and start throwing out your lumber jacking jargon like someone that just got back from England and starts referring to his friends as "mates".

Tuesday, April 8, 2014

An Ice Cold Dish of Murder!

It all started off like any other thirteen year old boy’s night would have been, I was watching TV and stuffing myself with food with my favorite companion Buster. We were watching our favorite show together known by the title of Psych. Buster and I have always found detective shows quite interesting, in fact Buster and I  created our own detective agency. Usually the only kind of cases that we would be offered would be to look for missing animals or toys, but this time it was different. While Buster and I were watching Psych we thought we heard a noise, it almost sounded like a knocking noise so at this point I put the TV on mute and listened for it again.  Everything went silent, besides the rain softly hitting the house and then… BAM! This time it sounded like someone was trying to bust down my door. I couldn't tell if someone was trying to get it or not so I went to go grab the closest weapon and Buster and I hid behind the curtains. Luckily my father was a machine gun owner and he had a couple of machine guns on the wall (It’s a good thing that we don’t have some sort of law to ban the machine guns or I might have had to fight someone with a TV remote). Then my front door busted down, but I waited before I started firing and it’s a good thing I did because it was the FBI. It turns out that the word had gotten around town that there was a very good detective that lived in my house, but the thing was that they didn't know it was me. When I told them that I was the detective they didn't believe me so after a couple of minutes explaining the FBI finally believed me and they told me why they came into my house.  They said that they needed me to go on a very important case; in fact it was one that I haven’t been on before, it was murder case! The tracks of the murder went cold when they didn't find any footprints. I knew that I could possibly be their one shot at finding the killer, but before I could agree to anything I had to ask my dad. I went over to the home phone and called my dad, “Hello, dad? I was wondering if I could go on an investigation with the FBI. Uh huh, okay, yes dad, I promise I’ll be back before midnight. Love you too, bye.” It was settled, I could go solve the case but I had to be back before midnight and considering that it was already 7:30 P.M I realized that I had to make this fast. I went to get myself a quick snack and then went straight to the crime scene. The first thing that I went to do was look at the victim. When I went to see the body I was horrified, I realized that the worst thing had just happened to me. I went to ask the person in charge how long they have had that body and he said for at least a week. I started to cry and fell to the ground, once the head person realized what I just did he asked why I was crying, he was wondering if I just couldn't handle the sight of a cold body or if something else was wrong. I started crying even more and then I told him that the victim was no stranger, but it was in fact was my pet rock Henry... Then, after it seemed like all hope was lost I woke up and realized it was all a horrible dream. I wiped the sweat off of my forehead, went back to sleep, and later dreamed of frolicking in Breakfast Land with Buster and Henry. 

Friday, April 4, 2014

Homework

Howdy boys, girls, cats, and squirrels it’s your boy Miguel here and for this blog we’re going to be ranting about homework. Yes you did read that correctly, I did in fact say (or typed) homework. What child likes homework? Exactly, none of them. Anyway, picture this… School just started and you've been having the time of your life hanging out with friends and not having a care in the world and right when you get back to school they already have homework for you. The worst part of it is the fact that the amount of it has been increased by a bagillion! It seems like teachers hate our social lives and think we don’t have anything else to do but stay home and do extra work. Some teachers will say stuff like, “Stop complaining, when I was in school we had homework too” or “Stop complaining or I’ll give you guys more!” The reason you guys don’t mind giving out homework is because even if you have stuff to do at least you guys get paid for it! Us children don’t get paid for it and we’re probably losing money and could ask our parents to pay us for doing a chore or two, but noooooo. We have homework instead. If you are an older person reading this then you probably think that you're too old for this but come on, you have been given homework before and don't try to tell me you like it. You'll probably say that homework helps you out later in life and that if you didn't have homework than you wouldn't be where you are now in life, successful, rich, and super fit with giant muscles. I bet if we had less homework students would work harder in school which would eventually lead up to a chance of a better future. I mean seriously homework is the stuff that causes mental collapses and the rising of a primate empire! I kid, I kid but don't they trust us to remember the things we spent seven hours learning about? The worst thing about homework for me is actually doing the homework. You're just minding your own business feeling accomplished that you got it done and right when you're about to move on you see, "Explain". WHAT!? ARE YOU KIDDING!? I DID THE PROBLEM WHAT MORE DO YOU WANT FROM ME? And the I slowly cry for about five minutes and get back to work. One of the things that I hated (and still hate) are the arithmetic and probability problems. I'll almost be done with my work and see a question that look like this: If we have an empty room, and every week there is a 0.6 probability for a person to join, 0.2 probability for a person to leave, and 0.2 probability for no change (only one action can be performed per week), what is the probability that there are at least 40 people in the room after 104 weeks? What the heck does that even mean?! I would probably write something like, "When am I ever going to use this, I mean really. Be honest." I think that they should pass a law that bans homework because of the stress. Yeah, that sounds really good right now... Alright guys, that was a little rant about homework and before I end my blog I want to say that none of this was real (well, maybe most of it wasn't real) but I was just making fun. I thought that it would be important to clarify that, and I would like to say thank you for actually making this far and until next time! This is your boy Miguel saying goodbye and see you later alligator!

Wednesday, April 2, 2014

My Introduction

For those of you who somehow managed to find this blog I bet many of you are wondering, "Who is this amazing writer?" If you couldn't tell from the title I'm just your average thirteen year old boy who needed to make a blog for his school assignment. Anyway, another question you (the reader) probably have is, "What can we expect from your blog?" Well that's a good question; I was just wondering the same thing. The main thing you can expect to see is anything varying from a story about me in an imaginary land to a rant about pancakes being referred to as "flapjacks".  This is why the blog is titled, "The Creative Mind of a 13 Year Old", because it's all about my creative thirteen year old mind and those are the types of things that usually pop in my creative mind. So yeah, I hope you have fun reading my blog.